Fail, Feed, Focus, and Forgive- Lessons from The Willpower Instinct

Over the weekend I finished The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More Of It by Kelly McGonigal.  (I previously wrote briefly about this book in discussing effective New Year's Resolutions here). 

McGonigal defines willpower as the ability to do what matters most, even when it is difficult.  That definition is reminiscent of Bobby Knight's definition of discipline:  "Doing what you have to do.  Doing it well.  And doing it all the time.").

One reason doing what matters most is difficult is simply the way our brains are wired.  Bringing to mind some of the analysis in Thinking Fast and Slow (mentioned here), parts of our brain spring into action in response to perceived threats or in order to make sure we get enough to eat.  (If you are about to be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, it pays to have all your faculties devoted to escaping that fate).

However, when those instincts take over, the deliberative area of our brain - the prefrontal cortex- shuts down.  And when the prefrontal cortex is "disabled" so too is the capacity to exercise self control. Our brains have not evolved to distinguish between real and perceived threats and needs, so a host of stimuli (the smell of popcorn, a loud noise, etc.) essentially cripple the ability to exercise willpower.  One specific example:  even though it is painfully obvious that we have more than enough to eat, our brains still respond to food as if we don't know where and when we'll get our next meal.

Accordingly, McGonigal offers practical ways to train yourself to mitigate the harmful fight-or-flight grip of the amygdala and the siren song of the sleeve of Chips Ahoy, and instead move toward the "pause and plan" realm of the prefrontal cortex.    

Five specific points really stood out:

1) To Succeed at Self-Control, You Need to Know How you Fail.  In order to get more of what you want, you have to identify what is keeping you from getting it.  How do you become aware of how you fail?  Become more mindful of your choices and your actions.  And one sure-fire way to increase mindfulness is to meditate, because it gives you a glimpse of what distracts you (and how you fail).  And for all of you who hesitate to engage in this practice because of its Eastern (and I don't mean the Pee Dee) connotations, I offer Professor McGonigal's succinct, practical, and wholly secular explanation of why it is good for you:  meditation increases blood flow to your prefrontal cortex, channeling more resources to "pause and plan."  Another way of putting it: "Recognize, Refrain, Relax, Resolve."

2) Feed Your Brain.  I have written before about the effects of glucose on willpower, and The Willpower Instinct examines why your brain may get tired even though you might have the energy to walk around the block:  if your brain detects that your energy reserves are dwindling, it will limit resources to the brain that are useful for self-control.  In other words, if your brain senses that you are "trending tired," it may go into reserve mode and "budget" energy.  And so you need to give your brain the fuel to help you exercise willpower.

3)  Consider Why You Really Want It.  I have asked here before "Whose Song Are You Singing?" in order to point out that our reasons for doing and being often have very little to do with who we are and what we really want.  McGonigal puts it this way:  "If you're trying to change a behavior to please someone else or to be the right kind of person, see if there is another 'want' that holds more power for you."  One example that resonated with me is the approach of "wanting to enjoy parenting" as opposed to "wanting to be a better parent."

4) It's the Goal, Not the "Good".  Similar to Number 3, if you keep score based on the number of "good" acts you accomplish, (as opposed to whether certain behavior serves your goals), then you are more likely to experience a "halo effect" and allow yourself some "goal liberation" or the license to do something "bad" as a treat. (The indiscretions of numerous public figures would appear to underscore this phenomenon).

 5) Take It Easy On Yourself: Guilt Doesn't Work.    Just as doing or feeling good may backfire, so too will using shame, guilt, and regret as a motivator.  Your brain wants to protect your mood as much as it does your life.  And if you are distressed by guilt, then you fall right back into seeking rewards (i.e. feeling better) instead of acting in service of your goals.  Instead of beating yourself up, follow some of the advice given in If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him:  "Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again."

Some Sane Advice on Resolutions: Be Specific, Get Real, and Exercise

It is the time of year when we aspire to change just about everything in our lives.

If you are charting a course for the next year, consider listening to "Willpower Science," today's episode of The People's Pharmacy,  The Graedons' guest is Kelly McGonigal of Stanford University and author of The Willpower Instinct:  How Self-Control Works, Why it Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It.

McGonigal points out that a New Year's Resolution is largely emotion regulation- we do it because it really feels good to conceive of ourselves as some ideal vastly different from our current predicament.  There is nothing wrong with dreaming big (and in fact it is necessary), but not surprisingly that ideal often is immediately and painfully dashed on the rocks of reality and your limitations.  Accordingly, when you fail to reach that pie in the sky ("I will exercise for an hour every day,"  "I will not snack at all" "I will never watch 'The Real Housewives'"), your self-control disappears completely and you experience what psychologists call the "What-the-Hell Effect."  And you are worse off than when you started.

In order to make a resolution stick, McGonigal suggests specific actions, and coming to the recognition that you will encounter setbacks and improve gradually.  On the first point, ask yourself what specific action you can take, preferably right now or today, that is consistent with your goal?  If your goal is to write, can you commit to writing for even five minutes today?   If you intend to exercise, consider 10 minutes as opposed to the hour-long run that you may have been capable of when you were an undergraduate but if attempted now will merely depress you and keep you from being able to walk tomorrow.

Attorneys particularly should read Cordell Parvin's "Making 2012 Your Best Year Ever" (summarized here) to get a very specific blueprint for setting goals and immediately undertaking specific actions to move toward them.  Consider also the lessons of What Successful People Do Differently and identify those obstacles standing in the way of your goals so that you can anticipate them and practically navigate them.   

Moving to the second theme of limitations and gradual improvement, McGonigal emphasizes that setbacks will occur because, as discussed previously here, willpower is a muscle that gets tired. Accordingly, understanding that getting better, even in very small increments, is realistic and rewarding will help you create positive feedback loops, avoid harmful stress, and ward off the "What the Hell Effect".

And finally, if you are looking for one resolution to improve your willpower, self-control, and overall well-being, consider exercise.  McGonigal dubs exercise the "willpower miracle," as studies show that physical exercise reduces cravings, relieves stress, acts as a powerful anti-depressant, enhances the biology of self-control in the brain, and "makes your brain bigger and faster."  

In other words, exercise is the resolution-enabler.